Tuesday, March 6, 2012

30 Days of Truths {Day 1,2,3,4,5 & 6}

Day 1: SOMETHING YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF.

I hate a few things about myself. I hate that the worse people treat me, the better I treat them in hopes they will be kinder to me. I hate that I get depression. I hate that when I'm mad I say hurtful things I don't mean. I hate that I sometimes judge people before knowing them. I hate that I bite my nails so low they hurt. I hate that I hold on too long. I hate that I'm not independently financially secure.

Day 2: SOMETHING YOU LOVE ABOUT YOURSELF.

I love a few things about myself. I love that I don't have to watch what I eat and I have a great metabolism. I love my eyes and the tone of my skin. I love my sense of humor and how I can make people laugh. I love that I am not shy and can get along with almost anyone.

Day 3: SOMETHING YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR.

I need to but can't forgive myself for the demise of my marriage. It was not solely my fault, but I feel terrible that our families had just paid for the wedding and it went sour so fast. Maybe I didn't try hard enough. Maybe I didn't fight hard enough. I don't know. I still don't know if it was the right decision. Right decision to get married,right decision to get divorced. I don't know, and I wish I could forgive myself.

Day 4: SOMETHING YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE SOMEONE FOR.

I am having a hard time forgiving Paddy right now. He has done some extremely selfish and thoughtless things over the last few months, and he isn't redeeming himself well. I just wish something drastic would happen and show me that we are going to be ok.

Day 5: SOMETHING YOU HOPE TO DO IN YOUR LIFE.

I hope to own an old home again. It has always been my dream and now that I have it and have to give it up, I already want it again. I didn't own it for long enough. Makes me very sad.

Day 6: SOMETHING YOU HOPE YOU NEVER HAVE TO DO.

Sometimes I think and dread the day my parents die. I know it's a terrible thing to think about when we're not even close to it happening yet, but I worry I won't make it through it. My mom is one of the most emotionally strong people I know and she was broken when her Dad died. I'm scared to be like that.

Cheers,
Messy

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